


Borderlands 2: Retold

by BorderFan1234



Category: Borderlands
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-25
Updated: 2014-08-25
Packaged: 2018-02-14 16:21:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2198595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BorderFan1234/pseuds/BorderFan1234
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of Borderlands 2 retold with all six vault hunters, basic plot is maintained while situations and dialogue are expanded and reworked. Plus a lot of original content and dialogue and more than likely a few new sidequests and villains somewhere down the road. Some coarse language and a couple of gory situations but nothing really too outlandish for the borderlands setting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Authors note: Hello all, this is my first ever attempt at writing fan fiction. I started this to practice and hopefully improve my writing, and because I really liked the characters from Borderlands 2, but was slightly disappointed by the lack of dialogue between the player characters and the world. This is my take on what happened if all six vault hunters started out the journey together. Please review if you can, all constructive criticism welcome!

IMPORTANT: since it's hard to add drama if death is only a respawn, I've decided to completely ignore the Hyperion respawn station things, and later if any other game centric element would interfere with the story I will take them out too.

Chapter 1 So you want to hear another story. Eh?

"Great – more dead vault hunters. Handsome Jack's been busy."

Axton's eyes snapped open upon hearing the gloomy voice. Half frozen, and half buried underneath a growing blanket of snow, he could barely make out in his blurry vision the shape of a small yellow robot with a shovel. Axton grunted with pain and moved his arms a few inches.

The robot dropped the shovel in surprise. "Wait a minute – you're not dead!" The robot instantly became cheerful and loud. "Yes! Now I can get off this glacier! Claptrap, your metaphorical ship has finally come in!"

Axton winced as the obnoxious voice assaulted his ears, still ringing from the explosion. He took a couple of deep breathes and pushed himself up. Feeling, most of it pain, was slowly returning to his cold, sore body. He reached for his Dahl standard issue pistol to silence the chatter-bot. Fortunately for it, the pistol and all his other equipment were gone, destroyed or blasted away by the explosion. He fumed as he thought of the train. How'd he let himself fall into such a simple trap? He should've bailed the moment the killer robots appeared, and he would've if the other three hadn't been there.

"Allow me to introduce myself," the robot continued cheerfully, unaware of its inattentive audience, or the howling snowstorm around them. "I am a CL4P – TP steward bot, but my friends call me Claptrap! Or they would if any of th…"

Axton tuned out the annoying robot and hobbled around the piles of half buried frozen corpses; he had to find his weapons, or at least his darling Dahl not-so-standard issue Sabre Turret. Ten years in the Dahl military and he'd never been in an explosion big enough to rip that turret off his back; but the force of this blast had even blown away his ECHO communicator.

"I've got something for you!" said Claptrap, catching Axton's attention for the first time. "Here - take this ECHO co-"

"Hey, that's my ECHO communicator!" Axton said irritably, cutting Claptrap off as he limped quickly over and snatched the familiar device. He reattached it and waited for the utilities to boot, but couldn't help feeling bad for the now silent robot. "Thanks," he added guiltily.

The robot started shouting again, making Axton regret everything while he continued the search for his stuff. He spotted his tomahawk a couple feet to his left and shuffled over to grab it, but when he did the snow pile beside it exploded as a tall shirtless psycho jumped out. Great. This day just couldn't get any better; first killer robots, now half-naked psychos.

Claptrap gave an audible gasp when it saw the new stranger. "Another survivor? Could this day get any better?" it yelled ecstatically, before restarting its loud introduction. "Allow me to introduce myself! I am CL4…"

"SH-SHINY MEAT P-POPSICLE!" screamed the shivering psycho through his face mask.

"Why does everyone have to shout!" shouted Axton, agitated. He brought his tomahawk up defensively when he noticed the buzzsaw axe the psycho was holding. "Bring it on," he said, trying to bluff some energy back into his body.

The two men stood a few feet apart, eyeing each other silently, their quiet hostility disturbed only by Claptrap's continued introduction.

But the sound of a girl coughing broke the two out of their standoff, and both turned their attention to the blue-haired, tattooed woman crawling out of the snow behind the psycho.

"Another one?" cried Claptrap, somehow even louder than before. "How many of you guys are there?"

The psycho immediately leaped towards the woman, filling Axton with a sense of dread. Not wanting his only sane companion to be brutally axed, Axton forced his aching muscles to obey and jumped with an animalistic yell at the psycho's exposed back.

"No!" Axton thought he heard the woman shout, as he himself was engulfed in some kind of dark matter bubble. He watched from his floating prison with relief and increasing curiosity as the psycho helped the woman out of the snow, even going so far as to drop his axe to help her to her feet.

With a wave of her left arm, the woman dissipated the bubble around Axton and he plopped into the snow. He got up quickly and brushed himself off.

"Wow, that was, yeah. Please don't do that again." Axton recalled now how the woman had used the mysterious power on the killer robots aboard the train. "But that's what I get for playing hero I guess," he joked, trying to lighten the mood now that the danger had passed.

The woman's face showed a hint of a smile and she said, "Sorry, but I couldn't let you kill him." She motioned at the psycho, who had retreated far away from the two and sat shivering alone in the snow.

Claptrap interrupted them by rolling up and introducing himself for the third time, but Axton just raised his voice and talked over the nuisance. "So, uh, I never got your name on the train, I'm Axton by the way. Nice to meet you."

"I'm Maya, nice to meet you too," Maya shouted back.

"Is he with you?" Axton asked, pointing at the sniffling psycho. "And aren't you cold?"

"No, I'm fine," said Maya, and then hesitantly added as if to explain, "I'm a siren."

"A siren huh? Cool." Axton nodded and tried not to sound too amazed. What a day: Survive huge explosion, meet friendly psycho, and find one of six existing sirens in the whole universe; he needed to buy a lottery ticket ASAP.

Maya seemed relieved by Axton's tepid reaction, and she glanced over at the sitting psycho. "And he's not with me, but he's okay."

"You know him then?"

"No, well, I guess? When I was boarding the train, I was attacked and he saved me."

"Now that's a story I got to hear."

Maya shrugged and smirked. "Not much more to say, I guess he must've snuck aboard to follow me."

"A scary psycho stalker. No big deal huh?" Axton said with amusement.

Maya laughed. "Well, I am a siren so... yeah, no big deal."

"Wow, you're a siren?" Claptrap asked with excessive amazement. "I know two sirens now! That's so cool!"

"Are you serious?" asked Maya, losing her composure. "What's her name? Where is she? Does she-"

Axton coughed loudly behind Claptrap to get Maya's attention, and then he twirled his left trigger finger in a circle on the side of his head; to drive the point home he also crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue a little.

Maya got the message and sighed, half embarrassed and half frustrated at being taken in by the robot.

"Her name?" Claptrap clutched his boxy head as if in deep concentrated thought. "Oh man I could never remember her name. Okay, let's see - there was Rolank, and Brice, and Mordesigh…" Claptrap's arms fell to his side and the robot appeared to be moping.

Axton finally spotted the backpack sized storage unit containing his turret, and he soon returned to them with it firmly attached to his back. The blizzard was intensifying around them, and he was about to suggest they move into the igloo shelter thing not too far from them when Claptrap jumped with upstretched arms.

"Lily! Her! Name! Was! Lily!" The robot declared triumphantly. "My central processor may be broken, forcing me to think out loud, but my memory hasn't failed me yet! …I wonder what it's like to have a bellybutton."

"Oh, Lily, that's nice," said Maya gently, humoring Claptrap out of newfound pity, then she shot Axton a quick glare filled with disdain. Axton felt a new wave of guilt and helplessness wash over himself as he tried to mouth an excuse.

"Don't you want to know where she lives?" said Claptrap, innocently taunting Maya.

"Sigh, where does she live, Claptrap?" asked Maya.

"…er, I don't know. But the resistance will!"

"The resistance?" repeated Maya with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah, now that I've met some mighty Vault Hunters, I can finally join the resistance in Sanctuary, take vengeance against-"

"I CAN'T FEEL MY FLESHSTICK!" The psycho jumped up and ran for the igloo, seemingly fed up with the cold and Claptrap.

"Hey!" Claptrap shouted after the fleeing psycho. "Don't you dare interrupt me! You hear me buddy? I said, don't you dare interrupt me!"

Axton gave up and covered his ears as he followed the psycho towards the igloo; finding his weapons wasn't worth listening to anymore of this, and he couldn't tell if his ears were bleeding from the cold or the noise.

"Why don't we talk more inside?" Maya suggested to Claptrap, while thinking to herself how strange this world outside the monastery was.

"Good idea minion number one!" said Claptrap, with such optimism that Maya couldn't bring herself to protest the nickname; at least she was number one. "Now – come, come, friend. Let's get you inside."

"Friend," Maya said to herself, as they trudged towards the igloo. She knew what the word meant from books, but finding it used on herself was a new and… happy, experience. She smiled without realizing it as she followed Claptrap towards the two men beating at the surprisingly sturdy igloo door.

Axton turned to greet the two latecomers, but noticed two other figures approaching as well, still veiled by the now raging blizzard. He indicated the potential threats to Maya, who luckily still had her Maliwan SMG.

Claptrap scurried past them to unlock the door while Maya leveled her gun sight at the two approaching shadows and waited. Axton gripped the turret deployer on his back with increasing apprehension. Everyone but Claptrap fell silent as they prepared for battle.

"Woah! Don't shoot amigos, it is I, Salvador," exclaimed the shorter, stockier figure, who with raised arms and open palms stepped into the small circle of light casted by the lamp outside the igloo.

Axton and Maya breathed a sigh of relief when they saw him, and recognized now the other shadow as the ninja. "Snow in my boots / I am sad and very cold / Go in the igloo" said the tall dark figure, surprising everyone; he hadn't spoken a single word to them aboard the train.

"Was that a Haiku?" asked Maya, catching the ninja off guard.

"I am impressed / Not many understand / But how did you know?"

"Er, wait hold on, I can do this," said Maya happily and cleared her throat. "Locked in a church / I was so bored / read a lot."

"Ah, I understand / what else have you read or heard? / h…"

"Hey, how'd you find us?" Axton asked Salvador aside, as the two quickly grew bored with the conversation between Maya and the ninja while they waited for Claptrap to open the door.

"Hell, it was easy." Salvador replied with a grin. "I thought we were doomed at first though you know? Me and him, lost in the blizzard and blasted to god-knows-where. But then we heard you guys shouting, so we just followed the noise!"

Salvador pointed with his thumb at the psycho. "Where'd you guys find that freaky mother?"

"It's a friend of hers," said Axton, pointing at Maya with his eyes.

Salvador shrugged, and fell backwards into the snow with a sigh of relief. "Now if only I could find my guns…"

"Aaaaaand open!" Claptrap declared confidently for the seventh time. But this time the door actually opened, and the five survivors poured into the warm shelter, pushing past and ignoring Claptrap, who was babbling on about something or another again.

Once inside, everyone but the psycho gathered around the makeshift fireplace in the center. It appeared to be burning a combination of money, scrap metal, and guns. No one cared enough to question how the latter two things were burning, though Salvador scowled every time a bullet ignited. Axton squinted at the fire and wondered if anyone else saw the mercenary remains deep within it.

"You can't do that to guns man, it's disrespectful," Salvador grumbled to himself, as the whistling Claptrap tossed another shovelful of junk into the hungry fire.

Axton took a deep, warm breath and prepared to address everyone. But a faded, fuzzy image appeared on his ECHOnet Heads Up Display, distracting him. That's the smuggest looking angel I've ever seen, Axton thought to himself, and noticed he wasn't the only one seeing something on their ECHO HUD: Maya, the ninja, and Salvador were all staring upwards in that familiar expression of someone busy browsing the ECHOnet; the psycho though was sitting in the corner, quietly looking at his hands.

"I'll explain everything soon," the angel said soothingly. "But know this – you're alive for a reason, and I… am here to help you."

Before anyone could reply to it, the image and voice disappeared, leaving the four troubled witnesses staring at each other. Maya was the first to speak:

"Um, everyone saw that, right?"

"Ai yai yai," muttered Salvador.

"She hacked our ECHO / Not to be taken lightly / Angel or demon?"

"Alright, so we all heard it," said Axton forcefully, putting his meager leadership training in the Dahl army to use. "Let's not worry about that, we need to first focus on getting out of this mess."

The other three nodded in agreement.

Salvador yawned and stretched his short, muscular arms. "Don't you dare, don't you dare say it," he said threateningly all of a sudden, surprising everyone, including himself.

The ninja remained silent and Maya looked confused, only Axton seemed to know what Salvador was referring to. "Salvador," he said with a sigh. "That's just a stupid stereotype. No one was going to-"

"WHY'S TRUXICAN NOT SLEEPY?" interrupted the psycho.

Salvador whirled around and leaped at the racist. "Vamanos Puta!"

"I FEEL THE LUCHA! I TASTE THE LIBRE!" shouted the psycho gleefully, as the two men wrestled on the slippery, snow covered floor.

"Hey! No! No fighting in here! Take it outside!" shouted Claptrap as he tried to break up the fight, slapping the two sweaty wrestlers like they were misbehaving pets.

Axton sat down at the nearby cards table and wiped the dealt out cards to the floor, also causing one of the carefully seated and posed inactive CL4P - TP units to fall from its seat. He laid his head down in his arms and sobbed quietly.

The ninja moved to the shadows and leaned against the wall, leaving Maya standing alone by the fire, studying the chaos. She wore a happy, yet baffled expression. The outside world sure was crazy and loud, but there was something wonderful about that; she couldn't quiet put the feeling into words.

"What's a Truxican?" she wondered out loud to herself.

Meanwhile…

"Um, Hello? Anybody out there? Hello?" Snow drifted down the side of the metal container as another kick was delivered to it from the inside. The snowy plain returned to silence, only to be disturbed again after a minute by the same voice.

"Hello? I'm locked in here and my arm's broken and I could use some help!" the voice shouted louder, echoing out of the container. "…There was gunfire, and explosions! I know you guys are there!" Whoever was inside began pounding the metal shell furiously.

Attracted by the noise, a gigantic four-armed ape known as a bullymong lumbered over and sniffed the box. It cautiously tapped the exposed metal several times.

"Finally! Geeze what took you guys so long?"

The bullymong answered with an earth-shaking roar.

"…Uh oh."

The beast easily picked up the shipping container and tucked it under its arm. The creature let out a triumphant roar and dashed back towards its stash with its prize.

"Yeah, great idea Gaige," said the voice in the box, its sarcasm preserved in the echoes coming out of the container. "Let's stowaway on the mystery train, it'll be fun. What could go wrong? You'll have an adventure!"

The bullymong roared and pounded the metal box like a drum as it ran. Gaige shouted back hysterically, "I HATE PANDORA!"


	2. Chapter 2

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi all, from writing the first chapter, I've found out I have a rather bad habit of editing and adding to the chapter after I publish them, so you might have to go back and reread the first chapter if you read it like the day I published it. Sorry, I'll try to keep edits to a minimum after I publish a chapter from now on. Also I'll be sure to warn you in the next chapter's A/N if I do make any dramatic changes. Anyways, enjoy! And leave a review, I need more criticism, thanks :)

"So a soldier, a siren, and a hunter walk into a bar and-"

Maya slowly blinked at Salvador, stopping the truxican mid-joke. She contemplated telling him she was a siren. Axton had tried to save her from the psycho, so she'd felt safe letting him in on the secret, but she wasn't sure how she felt about the ninja and dwarf yet; she'd had enough of betrayals. She returned her attention to the dying fire. "I don't understand, how in the world did Claptrap keep this fire burning?" She tossed some more scrap into it, only managing to smother it. "Arghh."

"Okay that one's not that funny," Salvador admitted. "What about this one, a brick flew up in the air-"

"No, more, jokes. Please," said Axton. He was playing solitaire at the cards table, while balancing the chair on the two back legs.

Salvador frowned at Axton from the other side of the igloo. "Well if you got a better idea-"

"FEAR NOT THE JESTERS OF NO," said the psycho sitting next to Salvador, and then gave the truxican a punch in the arm.

"Thanks Krieg, you're a true amigo," replied Salvador, and shoved the psycho hard. Like his abuela always said, the fastest way to make a friend was to wrestle with them.

"Why do you call him that?" asked Maya, giving up on the fire.

"Who, Krieg?" Salvador slowly picked something out of his nose with his left pinky. "Dunno, just saw it on his underwear when we were wrestling."

"Ew."

"HUH? WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?"

Axton stood up, and stared back at Salvador, Krieg, and Maya. "Well, it was nice meeting you all, but I think I'll be on my way now.

The ninja sighed and shifted his meditative pose a little. "I sit here and wait / So eager to move onward / But it's all in vain."

Axton turned to leave but felt a hand wrap around his right arm. A visible shudder ran up his spine at the siren's touch; he could feel the pulsing energy flowing through him from her palm; it probably wasn't healthy.

"Wait," said Maya, concerned. "You heard what she said the second time. We have to follow the robot, he'll get us to sanctuary."

"Oh yeah? You know who else listens to the voices in their head?" Axton nodded in the direction of Krieg.

Maya let go of Axton's arm. "You don't know what he's been through."

"Do you?" asked Axton darkly.

The igloo door opened, and Claptrap rolled in. "Minions! I have returned!"

Krieg, Salvador, and the ninja stood up.

"About time," said Salvador.

"Did you find anyone?" asked Maya, approaching the snow topped robot.

Claptrap shook his whole body. "No, but I'm sure somebody's out there. Mayyybe if I check aga-"

"I am bored as hell / I would like to kill something / Can we friggin go?"

"We better get moving then," said Axton cheerfully and headed towards the igloo's other exit. "Before the ninja slits our throats."

"But what if Claptrap's right? We'd be leaving someone to die," protested Maya as they all followed Axton out into the wasteland.

Axton opened his arms to the clear blue sky. "Welcome to Pandora Maya. Where people die, and I don't care."

"Your actions don't match your words, Axton," said Maya, as she and Claptrap walked ahead to take point.

Axton knew she was referring to his earlier attempt to save her. "What can I say? I'm a sucker for heroics. And there's nothing heroic about dying from boredom."

"Now around here the creatures are dangerous," explained Claptrap, lecturing the vault hunters as they marched through the snow. "Especially the bullymong I call Knuckledragger."

"Uh, what's a bullymong?" asked Maya, gripping her Maliwan SMG a little tighter.

"Bullymong!" shouted Claptrap and retreated. "They're coming from the wall sphincters! Defend me, Minions!"

Blue, four armed apes popped out of the holes in the cliff wall to their left. And without warning or provocation, they stampeded headlong towards the group.

The ninja pulled out his digistruct katana and dashed towards the animals. "Mine."

The high pitched whine of a buzzsaw axe revving up pierced through the cacophony of grunts and roars coming from the bullymongs. "WHO WANTS THE FIRST SLICE?" Krieg laughed like a maniac as he charged towards the bullymongs with his axe.

Axton and Salvador watched from the sidelines as Krieg and the ninja cut their way to the center of the horde of bullymongs while Maya used her power and Maliwan SMG to pick off any strays that dared leave the pack attacking the two melee enthusiasts.

The bullymongs lunged all at once from every direction at the now back to back ninja and psycho. Krieg jumped up and tackled one of them mid-air. The bullymong opened its mouth wide, showing off rows of sharp teeth as it tried to bite off his head. Krieg swung his axe into the bullymong's inviting face, splitting it in half with the force of the impact. The two landed in the snow with Krieg atop the still thrashing bullymong. The spinning buzzsaw axehead splattered blood all over him, the bullymongs, and the snow as he jumped off the dead beast and back into the fray. "STOP DYING AT ME!" Krieg ordered with rage, as his buzzsaw axe chewed its way through the countless bullymongs piling up around him.

The four bullymongs that had leapt at the ninja collided headlong into each other as the hologram between them dissipated. Then an invisible blade slashed its way effortlessly through the four, painting the snow underneath them red with blood. The ninja flickered back into visibility as the four bullymongs fell into a neat heap of flesh behind him.

Salvador watched with envy as the ninja and Krieg continued wreaking havoc. "Ahhhh! I can't take it any longer, I need a gun!" He kicked a snow pile filled with garbage on his left. Bones and guns exploded out of it and scattered around him.

"Those are bullymong piles," explained Claptrap from behind him. "They're filled with the remains of unlucky vault hunters."

"They're like piñatas, but better!" shouted Salvador, and charged with a rifle in each hand towards the fighting.

Axton helped himself to an assault rifle and shield from the pile, and killed a bullymong that'd surprised Maya. She looked over and waved her thanks.

"A sucker for heroics," he said to himself, and started pouring lead into the churning wall of blue flesh before them. Using his ECHO communicator, he designated the other four, and also Claptrap, as friendlies before throwing down his turret. "You fellas meet the missus?" he shouted at the top of his lung, trying to catch everyone's attention.

The folded up turret popped out of the storage unit and whirred to life. Axton felt a great deal of pride as the machine assembled itself in front of him within two seconds. It wasted no more time introducing itself to the bullymongs, instead opting for a more informal, rapidfire greeting. Axton stopped shooting for a second to admire its handiwork. "That's my girl!"

The flood of bullymongs from the wall sphincters eventually slowed to a trickle, before finally drying up completely. The five vault hunters were left standing on mounds made of bullymong bodies, with every inch of the wasteland below them soaked in blood.

"BLOOD SLUSHEE FOR YOU AND ME," sang Krieg as he slid down his pile of bullymong corpses.

The ninja shook the blood off of his katana and sheathed it. A red hologram of the number zero shined ominously in front of his all concealing helmet. "It was all too easy / I require a challenge / This was not enough."

Salvador tossed his spent guns away. "Man, these guns are broken. Worst, day, ever."

"They're just out of ammo," said Axton, as his turret packed itself up beside him.

"Even I know that," said Salvador with a laugh. "I'm talking about how they don't keep shooting when I hold down the trigger."

Axton stared at Salvador for a minute, trying to determine if he was joking. "Not all guns are automatic."

"Autowhatnow?"

"You have to keep pulling the trigger for some guns."

A disgusted look came over Salvador's face. "Ugh, why would anyone want that? What is wrong with the world?"

"Some prefer elegance," answered the ninja, as he pulled a sniper rifle out of a bullymong pile.

"Pffbt, whatever," said Salvador, and equipped himself with two new machine guns from the same pile.

"Come on, let's go," said Maya, with her nose pinched shut, trying not to puke from the awful stench of the dead bullymongs.

The group carried onwards, and made it all the way to a tall, dead end cliff without incident when the ground started shaking underneath them.

"Ugh – AGAIN?!" complained Claptrap as the rumbling subsided. "Jack's tearing Pandora apart to find the vault. They say Jack's drilling operations are causing those earthquakes. That, or your mom just got outta bed. Zing!"

Axton kicked the robot over the cliff, and Claptrap fell headfirst into a pile of snow way down below them.

"Axton!" Maya shouted disapprovingly.

"What? At least I let'em finish their joke this time." Axton jumped over the cliff, and hopping from ledge to ledge, eventually landed on his feet next to Claptrap at the bottom. "Besides," he shouted up at them. "Terminal velocity's so low on this planet the falls are harmless!"

"Watch out!"

But Maya's warning came too late, and Axton turned just in time to see a bullymong, at least three times bigger than any they'd encountered, leap out at him from behind a cliff corner.

The larger of its two right arms swung into him like a wrecking ball, and Axton felt himself flying across the snowy field before blacking out.

The others jumped into action when they saw the bullymong swat Axton away like a bug. Salvador, Krieg and Maya jumped down the cliff and landed directly in front of the snarling beast. Zero remained high up above them with his sniper rifle.

The huge bullymong charged at the three vault hunters, who rolled and jumped to the sides to avoid the attack.

"Oh no," gasped Maya when they turned to see the bullymong holding Claptrap upside down by the wheel.

"Ah, it's Knuckledragger! MY EYE! AHHHHHH!" screamed Claptrap, as the bullymong ripped the robot's only eye out of its socket. It dropped the limp robot and stood dangling the eyeball like a toy.

"Get it away from the cliff, I need a clear shot," said the ninja from above them.

Maya and Salvador ran away as ordered, but Krieg ran towards the giant. "EYEBALL FOR EYEBALL AND WE'LL ALL GO FAT!"

Maya and Salvador turned and began shooting at Knuckledragger, but the bullets seemed to just bounce off its skin.

"Now'd be a really good time to use that power of yours Maya," Salvador cried over his gunfire.

"I can't, not on something that big," said Maya, gritting her teeth.

Knuckledragger crushed the charging psycho into the snow with one of its free hands, and then lifted the larger of its two left arms to deliver the finishing blow. But as it was about to drop its fist on Krieg, the uplifted hand became trapped inside an orb of darkness. Maya grunted with pain as Knuckledragger struggled to free the trapped hand.

Krieg jumped back on his feet with a shout, "NIPPLE SALADS!"

Knuckledragger swung at Krieg with one of its free lower arms, but the psycho rolled underneath the attack and jumped onto the bullymong's thick left leg. "IT'S STRANGLING TIME!"

Maya collapsed into the snow as the dark orb around Knuckledragger's hand disappeared. Salvador picked her up with both arms and retreated. "You made me stop shooting," he said to her sadly.

Maya gave Salvador a weak smile. "Sorry."

Salvador grinned as he ran. "De nada."

"STOP HITTING YOURSELF!" shouted Krieg as he climbed around Knuckledragger and onto its back. The big beast let out a shriek of annoyance and continued slapping itself, trying to get the nimble psycho off. Krieg jumped forward onto Knuckledragger's head just in time to avoid being pancaked between the cliff and its back.

"GIVE IT BACK!" Krieg howled, and plunged his hands into Knuckledragger's eyes. The bullymong wailed and ran blindly forward using all six limbs.

With a sick plop, Krieg triumphantly pulled the monster's eyes out. He jumped off the falling beast and ran to show Salvador and Maya his prize. "SHOW AND TELL ISN'T OVER YET!"

But Knuckledragger got back up and let out a defiant roar. Its scream though was cut short by the thundering crack from the ninja's sniper rifle. Knuckledragger fell again, sending up a wave of snow; the snowflakes raised by the corpse drifted gently back down into a growing pool of blood.

Zero jumped down and joined the others. "A most confused death / Dead before he even knew / Where I had struck from."

A turret popped out of the snow nearby, followed by Axton. "Who's next, huh?!"

Axton looked from the dead bullymong to his comrades. "Oh. Nice."

The derisive look they were collectively giving him made Axton really uncomfortable, but he knew how to win them back. He pointed at his turret and smiled. "Sorry, boys, I've got turret syndrome! Get it? 'Cuz of the turret...? Sorry."

The awkward silence was interrupted by the sound of something pounding on metal.

"What could that be?" said Axton hurriedly, trying to avoid further embarrassment. The group spread out in the direction of the sound.

"Aye, come look at this guys," Salvador waved everyone over to where he was standing. A half buried container was sticking out of a hole in the ground; it appeared this was what the big bullymong had been busy with before they showed up.

"Get me out of here!" begged whoever was inside. Maya used her power to lift the metal crate out and drop it on solid ground.

They approached with caution, and Axton bent down to examine the lock: thankfully, the crate wasn't locked. He opened it and ducked as what appeared to be a redheaded teenage girl jumped out.

"I'm free, I'm freeeeeeee!" sobbed the box girl to the sky. She hugged the snow covered ground while still sobbing, and proceeded to make a snow angel.

"Uh, are you alright?" asked Maya, walking up to the girl.

The girl leapt to her feet. "Hell, yeah!" But the robotic left arm dangling uselessly at her side said otherwise. She turned and gasped with surprise when she saw the other four who had helped rescue her. "Awesome, are you guys a bandit gang?"

"No, were not," said Axton impatiently. "Look, introductions can wait, we got to-"

"SHOW AND TELL ISN'T OVER YET!" Krieg ran up and shoved the pulpy eyeballs he was holding into the girl's face. Having lost interest with the eyeballs now, he left them on her face, and went to find his buzzsaw axe. "EATING SPINACH WILL MAKE YOU STRONG!"

"It's in my mouth," the girl burbled out from behind the large fleshy sacs stuck to her face. "Umm you guys, it's in my mouth!"

The blinded Claptrap rolled over to them, holding its own eye. "Good job, minions! What a great day, Knuckledragger's dead, we found a girl in a box, and look," Claptrap dangled its eyeball. "I even found my eye!"

Maya helped the new girl peel Knuckledragger's eyeballs off her face, and then said, "Why don't we introduce ourselves? Might as well while we wait for Krieg." Maya looked over at Krieg, who was merrily playing with his buzzsaw axe and the bullymong corpse. "I think we all could use a break anyways."

"Allow me to introduce myself," started Claptrap. "I am a CL…"

"I'm Axton, a commando," said Axton with wry resignation, he gave a slight nod of his head to the group and continued talking over Claptrap. "Ten years of Dahl military experience at your service."

"I'm Maya," Maya bit her lips. "I'm a siren." She waited for the words to sink in before continuing, almost jokingly, "and if anyone tries to capture me, I'll incinerate their brain."

Zero was next in the circle, and after a moment of silence he finally said, "I'm Zero." The red hologram reappeared in front of his helmet. "Just tell me what to shoot."

"I'm Salvador, and I'm a GUNZERKER. Dibs on everything!" shouted Salvador with a laugh.

"A gunzerker, really?" asked Axton with an incredulous look on his face.

"What?"

"There's no such thing as a gunzerker. What does that even mean?"

"Hey Zero's just a number! I didn't hear you complaining about that."

The girl's eyes shined brightly, it was her turn. "So I can just make something up?"

"Hell yeah you can," replied Salvador with a wicked grin.

"Then I'm Gaige! The Mechromancer!" Gaige shouted dramatically while Maya and Salvador laughed, even Axton couldn't help giving a chuckle.

"SHINY MEAT BICYCLE!"

Everyone but Salvador stared in horror at Krieg, who'd managed to cut open the bullymong, and was now snuggling comfortably inside of its flesh, with only his head sticking out of the chest. He ducked his head back inside the meatbag, and they could barely make out what he said next: "DUKE LANDRUNNER, YOUR DADDY I AM!"

"Ew. Ew, ew… ew," repeated Maya, and closed her eyes to think of happier things.

"Oh and that's Krieg, the psycho," said Salvador matter-o-factly.

Gaige turned back around to face them, a cheerful look on her face. "Hey, this reminds me of a joke I heard at school once!"

"School?" said Salvador slowly, perplexed by the foreign word he couldn't understand.

Gaige laughed for a second to herself, remembering how funny this joke was. "Okay, so a soldier, a siren, and a hunter walk into a bar and…"


	3. Chapter 3

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi all, I didn't change the last chapter much, only elaborated a bit on the fight with the pack of bullymongs and some grammar and haiku fixing, so if you read it the day it was published you could go back and read it if you want. Health vials will be part of the story, though I won't introduce them just yet and they're not gonna be the miracle cure like they are in the game. I've updated this story three times this week, that's not a pace I intend to maintain, so I apologize if any of you are dissapointed by the probably week(s) long silence between chapters from now on, but rest assured I intend to follow this til the end, and probably some of the DLC's too though I haven't played them all yet. Please review and or favorite or follow if you enjoy the story, as that's what gives me the motivation to keep writing this, I really, really would love some more criticism, I have tough skin I can handle it so don't spare me the rod guys! Anyways, I hope you enjoy this third chapter!

What an ugly planet. The handsome man closed his eyes for a moment to forget the view outside his space station window. When he reopened them it was still there; the purplish blue marble called Pandora, suspended in space against a backdrop of twinkling stars. He thought about how easy it'd be to just blow it up; the moon base had more than enough firepower to do so. No, it was too valuable - and besides, once he had his way with it, Pandora would be just as beautiful as him. He put his perfectly manicured right hand on the window, covering up the planet. Much better.

Maya took a deep breath; she'd just finished getting Gaige up to speed on what was going on. "Anybody else need a break?" she asked the others, hoping she wasn't the only one that was winded from their hike through the jagged, icy landscape. Salvador and Gaige also voiced their fatigue and the group voted to take a break. They found a nice shallow cave to rest in nearby, and were soon happily sheltered from the freezing wind.

"So his name is actually Handsome Jack?" asked Gaige, the disbelief heavy in her voice. "Wow, and I thought people at my high school had egos."

"What did you call yourself earlier again?" Axton reminded her. "Something something girl genius?"

"Yeah, but it's true," said Gaige defensively, her twin ponytails bobbing up and down as she talked. "You think a normal high schooler gets expelled AND arrested for her science fair project?"

"Science, fair?" Salvador said the familiar words experimentally, trying to form a meaning out of the combination of the two; he was like a caveman smacking two rocks together, trying to make a spark.

"THE VOLCANOES OF SODA SHALL BUBBLE AND COVER US WITH THEIR SOUR MEATBALLS," explained Krieg. Salvador smiled and nodded, pretending to understand the psycho.

The group trekked on through the deep snow, and Claptrap eventually stopped them at another cliff, this time it overlooked a small, dilapidated town a stone's throw away from them. The robot pointed with eyeball still clutched in hand at the town. "There it is: Liar's berg, that's where my old pal Sir Hammerlock lives! He'll be able to put my eye back in."

"And hopefully take your mouth out," said Axton quietly to no one.

"Ahem, girl genius here? It's about time you let me take a look at that eyehole."

Claptrap slapped Gaige's eager right hand away. "Sorry girl, much as I'm sure you'd like to jam your fist into my skull, optic surgery is best left to professionals."

Gaige opened her mouth to say something indecent but Zero cut her rant short.

"Don't go down just yet / The town is filled with targets / Let me take them out."

Zero displayed the view from his sniper rifle's scope on everybody's ECHO HUD. Everyone except Krieg and Claptrap watched as Zero showed them exactly where each enemy was in the town. All in all, there were twelve armed to the teeth bad ass bandits in the small town. The vault hunters ducked back behind the ledge to stay out of sight.

Axton felt the old impulse rise again, urging him to charge in alone and steal all the glory. He shook the idea out of his head and began formulating a plan to get them through without casualties; it was a challenge he wasn't used to. He turned to study his team and figure their odds:

There were six of them plus Claptrap. The high schooler though had no weapon, no shield, and was sporting a broken robot arm, so she was useless. Zero said he still had five shots left in the sniper and Maya, Salvador, and Krieg were fully equipped; it'd be close, but if Zero could take out his five fast enough, they stood a good chance of getting through this without even a scratch.

"I've got a plan," announced Axton. "Me, Maya, Salvador and Krieg will jump down to distract the enemy. Once we have them busy, Zero will pop up out of his hiding spot up here and flank them with his sniper."

"Hey, what about me?" asked Gaige, pouting.

Before Axton could give her the bad news, they were interrupted by a public ECHO message being broadcasted on all channels.

Axton scowled as he listened to the same cocky voice he'd heard on the train.

"Hey kiddos. Jack here – President of Hyperion. Lemme explain how things work here: Vault Hunters shows up. Vault Hunters look for the new vault. Vault Hunters get killed. By me. Seeing the problem here? You guys are still alive. So, if you guys could just do me a favor and off yourselves, that'd be great. Thanks, pumpkins."

"What an asshole," said Gaige, hoping that somehow her insult would reach the man. And as if in reply, Handsome Jack came back on and said:

"Attention, people of Pandora! Handsome Jack here, offering six million bucks to whomever brings me the heads of the Vault Hunters who've just arrived in Liar's Berg. Oh, and I'm still offering a reward for Roland, the mass-murdering leader of the Crimson Raiders. Good hunting, bandits!"

"What a gigantic asshole!" declared Gaige even louder.

"Handsome Jack here again, just wanted to let all you bandits in Liar's Berg know, they're up on the cliff outside of town, to the left of that really big boulder."

The Vault Hunters ducked as their general area was sprayed with bullets. Most of the bullets hit the cliff wall that shielded them but some whizzed overhead or ricocheted off the big boulder next to them.

Axton leaped over to Gaige and covered her mouth before she was able to shout something even meaner.

"Damn it!" shouted Axton as he pushed Claptrap and the high school girl further away from the cliff edge. "Zero, flank them!"

Zero was already moving away from them, crawling along the cliff, but the cocky, taunting voice came on again.

"Oh and they have a sniper, he's crawling towards you guys along the cliff."

"Damn it all!" Axton pulled the turret off his back and tossed it out in front of him as he ran off the cliff. He smiled as he fell through the air and the turret deployed mid-air beside him, just like in the old days. He landed with a thud and quickly dove for cover behind the turret, which had also thrown up a large energy shield to form a protective radius around itself. A grenade and countless bullets bounced harmlessly off the blue force field and back at the bandits, who had now formed a solid perimeter behind the town gate, shooting at him from behind the cover of rubble and rusted walls.

"I SCREAM FOR YOU SCREAM!" screamed Krieg as he too jumped off the cliff, landing next to the turret before rushing off recklessly towards the bandits, blue sparks popping all around him where bullets were being deflected by his shield.

Salvador jumped down while firing a machine gun in each hand at the bandits, providing much needed covering fire for Krieg. Maya followed right behind Salvador and soon the team was focusing their fire on the target of her power. The unfortunate bandit soon fell dead to the ground, riddled with bullet holes.

With his adrenaline pumping and a lot of frustration to take out, Axton set his turret to provide covering fire before shouting to Maya and Salvador. "Let's go! Now or never guys!" The three ran to the side of the turret to give it a clear field of fire.

"YOU get a bullet! And YOU get a bullet! EVERYBODY gets a bullet!" shouted Axton, shooting as he ran and clearly enjoying himself, with complete disregard towards his rapidly depleting shield level.

Zero flawlessly executed five of the bandits in rapid succession with his sniper rifle. The rest ducked back under cover to avoid the sniper and recharge their shields. Seeing an opening, Maya tossed a grenade high over the wall and focused her mind on her siren power. She thrust her left hand out at the grenade, trapping it just above the wall in a dark orb; this orb though was bigger than the ones before and also acted like a gravity well, dragging the three nearby bandits out of cover and trapping them inside the bubble. They screamed terribly as the vault hunters unloaded into them until the grenade exploded, imploding the bubble and killing all three.

Krieg had managed to put one of the bandits into a chokehold, and was slowly walking towards the remaining two while using his as a meat shield. He snapped his hostage's neck once he got close enough and hacked one of the retreating bandits to pieces as Zero materialized behind the other.

"Please don't kill-" Zero cut the bandit's cry short with a beheading; the headless man slumped to his knees before falling over sideways.

A cold wind swept through the now silent town, burying the fresh corpses under a light frosting of snow. The vault hunters let out a collective sigh of relief, they did it.

"That, was, AWESOME!" squealed Gaige.

The other's turned to see the school girl gawking at them from a few feet back.

"Hey! I thought I told you to stay on the cliff," barked Axton, annoyed.

"It's fine! Look I even have a gun and shield." Gaige excitedly showed off the equipment taken from their newly deceased owners.

"Have you ever even fired a gun?" asked Axton, becoming irritated. He still wasn't sure why, how, or what a high school girl was doing on Pandora.

"It's not that hard," dismissed Gaige, as she attempted to aim one armed with her assault rifle at a nearby barn. She pulled the trigger hard and shot several times; every shot missed. "Eh, accuracy's overrated anyway."

"Once your arm is fixed / Maybe you will hit something / But this was just sad."

Claptrap rolled past them and up the small hill towards a house with its own walled in yard. The robot shouted as it went, "Hey, Hammerlock! Since my minions just saved your town, you wanna do your bestie Claptrap a favor and repair my eye?"

As the vault hunters followed the robot they heard two more messages go out over the ECHOnet. First was a fat viking:

"Alright, boys – this is Captain Flynt! I want you to find those Vault Hunters and bring 'em to me! NOW!"

Second was a black hunter:

"Spectacular – first Captain Flynt's bandits attack, then Claptrap shows up! I must have been horrifyingly cruel to puppies in a previous life to deserve this kind of treatment. I say, Vault Hunters – could you kill Claptrap for me?"

Axton messaged the hunter back while smirking. "I'm afraid not Sir Hammerlock, we need him alive to get to Sanctuary."

"Ah I see, well, that is a shame. Come to my shack then, and I shall restore Claptrap's sight. First, I shall shut off the electrical fence for you."

The Vault hunters followed Claptrap up to the clearly still electrified gate.

"Please stay back, Vault Hunters" shouted Sir Hammerlock from the house's second floor window. "Let Claptrap go first."

The robot babbled on and on about friendship as it walked straight into the fence, the shock from touching the gate knocked Claptrap out on its back, silencing it.

The gate was finally disarmed and the vault hunters heard Sir Hammerlock shout from the first story window, "Apologies, but when Claptrap speaks, I feel my brain cells committing suicide, one by one. I shall be out directly."

The vault hunters walked around Claptrap and into the fenced in yard. The door of the house was kicked open by a mechanical right leg, causing Gaige to gasp. Out stepped a dapper black man in a safari hunting outfit. He saluted them with his mechanical right arm and a stiff upper lip. "A pleasure to meet you all, Vault Hunters. I am Sir Hammerlock – Hunter, scholar, gentleman. At your service."

The vault hunters took turns shaking Sir Hammerlock's hand and introducing themselves. Gaige purposefully extended her broken left arm, and the metal forearm swung uselessly from the elbow.

"Oh my," said Sir Hammerlock, with both eyebrows raised behind his broken glasses. "A fellow amputee. Well met, I am Sir Hammerlock, and you are?" He grabbed her mechanical left hand with his equally artificial right hand and shook.

"Gaige, and the pleasure's all mine," said Gaige, trying to sound seductive. "You wouldn't happen to have any tools I could borrow to fix my arm, would you?"

"Ah of course, how rude of me. I apologize." Sir Hammerlock pointed back at his house. "You'll find the toolboxes in the second drawer of the cabinet that's right below the picture of my ex-boyfriend."

Gaige walked into the house with a devastated look on her face while Axton, Salvador and Maya laughed quietly together.

"Now, let's see what we can do about our talkative little robot." Sir Hammerlock walked up to the still collapsed Claptrap and pulled the eye out of its right hand. He inspected the eye socket briefly before shoving the eyeball into it. "That should do it!"

Claptrap jumped back on its wheel. "Ha-Ha! I am ALIIIIIVE!"

"Oh, dear. He's talking again," said Sir Hammerlock, shaking his head slowly.

Gaige dropped the tool box where she was standing behind Sir Hammerlock. She had an indignant look on her face and was grinding her teeth. "That's it? That's all it takes to fix the eye?"

"Yes, it's such a simple procedure why, I believe a lobotomized bullymong could do it," Sir Hammerlock gave a short laugh before catching his mistake. He cleared his throat seriously. "Not that I'm implying you guys are dumber than a lobotomized bullymong or anything."

Maya walked over and patted Gaige on the shoulder. "Don't worry, we all know you could've fixed him. Claptrap's just… stubborn."

"Just pretend the robot's not there," suggested Salvador. "That's what I do."

"Thanks guys," said Gaige, a little happier. She gave Maya a sudden hug.

Surprised by how tightly Gaige was squeezing her, Maya didn't know what to do but look around. "Hey, where's Krieg and Zero?"

Krieg stared blankly ahead of him while sitting on the crumbling tombstone. The graveyard contained only a few other spread out stones, and from this distance it was hard to tell if they were more broken tombstones or just badly placed rocks sticking out of the snow.

Krieg tossed his buzzsaw axe up in the air again. He watched the handle swing all the way around, and stared at the dull blood crusted saw blade spinning lazily in its groove; the sight always brought to mind the image of a toy pinwheel spinning in the wind. Sometimes he also heard the sound of a little girl laughing. He couldn't understand why the image or sound came or why it made him sad, but it never failed to quiet the other voice and that was enough. The axe fell and his eyes followed it. He caught the handle in his right hand without looking, his eyes were already locked on the ninja that had appeared before him.

"I wish to fight you / Spar with me, and don't hold back / Do you understand?"

Without a word, Krieg got off the tombstone and walked away.

"Don't ignore me." Zero cut the tombstone in half with his katana, causing Krieg to turn around and throw something at him. He reflexively sliced the object in half also but the two halves of the snowball landed on his chest anyways. "Are you mocking me?"

Krieg glared at Zero and said with difficulty, "Get away, before I kill you."

Zero bent his knees and assumed a combat stance; He held the katana two handed and out on his left with the tip pointed at Krieg. "Don't worry, you won't" he said crossly, as the holographic red zero reappeared in front of his helmet's face.


	4. chapter 4

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi all, this chapter's a little shorter; didn't mean for it to turn out that way but sometimes you just gotta go with the flow. Don't recall making any changes to chapter 3 so if I did they were insignificant. So from this chapter I kinda figured out my plan: I'm going to have longer real chapters for the action and getting from one part of the main quest to the other, between these chapters are gonna be shorter vignette chapters where the vault hunters get some much needed r and r at the mission hubs and stuff, I got one more vignitte chapter planned here before they get to boom bewm so look forward to that. Also as always please leave a review, and or fave and or follow thanks!

ps: they won't let me do paragraph break things so the transitions might be a little off.

"Blake! Get me some goddamn popcorn." Handsome Jack snapped his fingers impatiently while his eyes remained glued to the holoscreen television in front of him. The satellite video of a snow covered graveyard partially lit the dark room with a blinding whiteness, and Jack squinted as he watched the two figures in the video stare each other down. Without a sound, the ghostlike vice president of Hyperion brought forth from the shadows a large bucket of popcorn and dropped it on the couch seat on Jack's left.

"Will that be all?" asked Blake.

The man's snooty yet sinister voice sounded just the way Jack imagined a murderous butler's voice would sound, and he briefly wondered if the popcorn was poisoned as he grabbed a handful without looking away from the holoscreen. "Uh yuhp," said Jack with a mouth full of popcorn; the vice president of Hyperion disappeared back into the shadows behind the couch.

"I left the dossier on the two unexpected members of the group under the bucket," said the vice president from the darkness.

Jack glanced away from the TV for a moment to pick up the folders and flip through them. What a weirdo, thought Jack, who still uses paper in this day and age? The psycho's file only told him what he already knew: that the man was a product of Hyperion's human eridium experiments; the girl's folder though, was a little more interesting. "Girl genius from Eden-5? I didn't know you had a sense of humor, Blake."

Blake stayed quiet. Jack shrugged and tossed the folders back on the couch. "Nothing we can't handle. Doesn't matter if they've got fifty super geniuses on their side, I've already outsmarted them." Jack aimed with his fingers at the two vault hunters on his TV and fired his imaginary guns. "Bang."

Krieg's heavy breathing was all that could be heard between the two statuesque combatants, each waiting for the other to make the first move. Nothing happened until a cool breeze passed through the graveyard, inadvertently upsetting the balance. Zero and Krieg simultaneously sprinted forward while thinking the other moved first. Before the two could collide, a dark bubble burst into existence between them, forcing the two to jump back.

"Is this really the time to be fighting each other?" asked Maya angrily, with SMG in hand as she walked up to the two. "We've got enough people trying to kill us thanks to Jack. So why don't we just cut this crap out?" She looked from one masked man to the other; she couldn't tell what either of them were thinking.

Krieg lowered his buzzsaw axe. In a quieter but still insane tone he said, "I'll never stop the killing. NEVER!" He turned and ran back towards Sir Hammerlock's house. Maya flipped her SMG's safety back on and sighed. She stared at Zero in respectful silence.

After a few seconds Zero turned to face her. "I apologize / I rarely lose my temper / Just wanted to spar."

Maya smiled in relief. "Of all the people here, you just had to ask him? Back in the monastery, my training included all kinds of melee weapons you know."

Zero projected an open-mouthed smiley face in front of his helmet.

Sir Hammerlock took a sip of tea from his teacup and sighed as he sank further into his cushy recliner. Axton, Gaige, and Salvador sat opposite him on the sofa, and Sir Hammerlock nodded with satisfaction as the three lifted their teacups too and drank.

Over her raised cup, Gaige's eyes slowly wandered, taking in the disheveled living room stacked with books and random animal trophies. She was just about to compliment Sir Hammerlock on the variety of animal parts he possessed when the man put down his teacup and said to them:

"I see our fearless leader Jack is looking for you. Charming fellow, isn't he?" Sir Hammerlock clenched and unclenched his fist in ire. "Spouts drivel about bringing peace to the frontier, then shoots unarmed men, women and children like it's going out of style."

"Looking for us? No, He's already found us," said Axton with a sigh. "I bet this very moment he's up in his space station, watching us sip tea."

"And yet, here we are, still alive," noted Sir Hammerlock, puzzled. "I expected him to have blown us all to hell with an orbital bombardment by now. Not that I'm complaining."

They finished their tea in silence, no one wanting to venture a guess as to why indeed Jack was letting them live.

"Uh, nice animal parts," said Salvador. Gaige put her good arm over her head for a moment in exasperation.

"Hm? Oh, thank you," said Sir Hammerlock, brightening at the change of topic. "I actually came out here to research the bullymongs for my almanac you know."

Axton and Salvador looked at each other, and attempted to recall how many bullymongs they'd killed along the way to Liar's Berg.

Guessing their concerned thoughts, Sir Hammerlock laughed and said, "Oh don't worry friends, those bullymongs are a damn nuisance. I doubt we could kill enough to make a difference even if we dedicated the rest of our lives to the task." He took off his hunting cap and inspected it thoughtfully. "Speaking of tasks, I was thinking some bullymong fur would go rather nicely on this cap of mine. I'd be happy to reward you-"

Sir Hammerlock was interrupted by an explosion outside the house; several stacks of books fell over and the teacups vibrated atop their saucers on the coffee table. All of them jumped to their feet. Sir Hammerlock grabbed a nearby hunting rifle and walked to the window. "What the devil was that?"

The house was located on a hill and from the living room window they got a good view of the area outside the town wall. Approximately twenty bandits were making their way towards the house. One of the psychos in the lead threw another grenade at the house; it was a longbow type grenade, as no human could possibly toss a grenade the distance between the bandits and the house. They saw a brief flash as the grenade teleported from the psycho's hand to the house wall. Another explosion shook the house, and this time the window shattered.

"Let me handle this," said Axton. His ECHO communicator projected a small holoscreen in front of him, and he pressed the displayed button that read "Deploy". Earlier he had put the storage unit containing his Sabre turret on the roof, and now he listened with self-satisfaction to the familiar whirs and clicks of the turret self-assembling above them.

The smarter bandits slowly came to a halt as they realized what had appeared on the roof of the house, leaving only two psychos, fearless and rambling, to maintain the attack. The turret unloaded into the two would be trespassers, stopping them dead in their tracks and letting them know just what Ms. Sabre thought of their behavior. The turret ended things by firing a rocket, as if to punctuate its statement with an exclamation mark; the leftover bandits retreated without waiting for a second salvo from her.

"What ho!" said Sir Hammerlock, delighted. "Yes, give em the ol' one two. That'll teach them to mess with us."

"You're going to run out of ammo if you keep using it like that," noted Gaige, as she peered out the window at the remains of the psychos.

"My lady friend won't be running dry anytime this decade," said Axton with a grin. "She's got her own storage deck units and I made sure to stock them up extra well before we left Dahl. It was a parting gift from the company, if you will."

"That is awesome," said Salvador, imagining what kind of paradise Axton came from that they'd give away ammo so indiscriminately.

"Well, I don't think those buggers'll be back anytime soon. More tea?" asked Sir Hammerlock politely, while holding the metal teapot up optimistically. The three vault hunters heartily agreed; the chill from the broken window was beginning to get to them.


	5. Chapter 5

AUTHOR'S NOTE: for those of you who don't know, Gaige's backstory is given as ECHOlogs, you can find the transcript on the borderlands 2 wiki page for Gaige, this next part won't make too much sense without that background. Next chapter is going to be a longer one since the action will be resuming. They'll at least make it past boom bewm, looking forward to writing that. Read, review, and enjoy!

PS: Fast travel network stations will be present in this story, but no respawn stations. Also, I hope it's become obvious by now that the vault hunter's powers don't follow the limiting rules of the game, so Axton can have his turret out as long as he wants and stuff.

Chapter 5:

GAIGE'S ECHO LOG 05 *

Hello, my twenty thousand something subscribers! It's been a while since my last update but guess what suckas? I'm a bona-fide Vault Hunter now! This group of Vault Hunters freed me from this box, uh, long story, anyways they begged me to join them and I figured, why not, it looked like they could use the help of a GIRL GENIUS!

Turns out the colossal douchenozzle known as "Handsome" Jack is actually killing all the Vault Hunters to keep the vault to himself. Scumbag. I just knew those heroic stories about him on the news were too good to be true! You can't trust mainstream media guys, it's all controlled by the system! Argh, I can't wait to take down Jack and his stupid corporation. Down with the system!

Too bad right now we're holed up in this little town called Liar's Berg, at least the bandits aren't attacking anymore thanks to Axton's turret, he's one of the Vault Hunters, said he used to be a commando or something.

They told me we're following this annoying little robot called Claptrap because an angel lady told them to, I thought they were crazy but then she came back on the ECHOcomm and I was like woah, she's using her own private channel and the encryption is like, mega complex.

Anyhoo, she told us about Captain Flynt's boat and apparently that's what we gotta use to get off this miserable glacier. I mean, I noticed a broken fast travel network station in town I could easily fix and that'd get us to Sanctuary like, right now, but then I wouldn't get to fight any bandits! So I kept quiet about it and tomorrow we're going to steal Captain Flynt's ship and I am so, PUMPED!

Achoo! I can't wait to get to someplace warmer… Well, that's all for now! Don't worry daddy, and mom, I'm having a ton of fun here on Pandora and I even made some friends! I broke my robotic arm though, uh long story, but I've almost fixed it. Oh man I can't wait to show off Deathtrap, I can already see the surprised look on their faces! This is gonna be so epic hahahahaha, AHAHAHAHAHA!

END TRANSMISSION

"Uh, why are you laughing to yourself like that?" Axton stared quizzically at Gaige from the basement stairwell.

"Ummm, no reason," replied Gaige. She picked up the screwdriver next to her on the workbench and returned to work on the prone left arm lying on the tabletop. The metal fingers twitched as she slowly tightened the final screw inside of the wrist. "And done!"

She stood up and flexed her newly repaired arm twice, testing every axis of movement. Satisfied, she packed up the toolbox and took it with her up the stairs. She sniffed the air as she approached Axton. "Do I smell food?" she asked eagerly, realizing how hungry she was; she hadn't eaten all day.

"It's why I came to getcha. Come on, everyone's already outside."

Gaige followed Axton out of Sir Hammerlock's house and noticed that nighttime had arrived while she'd been working in the basement. The other vault hunters had made a campfire in the yard and now everyone, including Sir Hammerlock and Claptrap, was gathered around it, cooking meat and chatting.

"Welcome," said Sir Hammerlock, turning from the fire while still holding his skewer of meat over the crackling blaze. He tipped his newly decorated hunting cap at them; a tuft of bullymong fur was sticking out of it like a big feather. "We've got fresh bullymong meat, and also some canned goods if you'd prefer that instead."

"I'll try some bullymong meat," answered Gaige enthusiastically. The pungent, exotic smell of burning bullymong meat was beginning to make her mouth water.

"STRIP THE FLESH, SALT THE WOUND," urged Krieg as he watched Gaige skewer a piece of freshly butchered bullymong onto the end of a sharp stick. He himself was holding a wooden club that he'd somehow impaled several large pieces of meat on.

"Pass me the salt," requested Gaige, and caught the saltshaker from Salvador with her robotic left hand.

"Hey, you fixed it, nice," said Maya from across the fire.

A secretive smirk appeared on Gaige's face. "Heh heh, check this out guys." She put the saltshaker down and waved her left arm imperiously in front of her. She remembered an appropriate line from a really old movie she'd seen and figuring she might as well pull out all the stops, she opened her mouth and shouted, "Klaatu Barada Nikto!"*

The fire flickered in the wind as nothing else happened. Sir Hammerlock, Axton, and Maya exchanged concerned looks over the fire; Gaige was too shocked to notice them.

"Hey you feeling alright kid?" asked Axton, and tried to remember what else they taught him to say in Dahl's psychotherapy training seminar. "Uh, up and at them soldier? Fight through the pain, maggot? Dahl is master, Dahl is all. Wait, why did I say that? Oh my god they brainwas-"

"Is something wrong Gaige?" asked Maya.

Gaige snapped back to reality. "Wha- how- I mean, a robot, my robot didn't come! I was summoning Deathtrap, it was gonna be so cool," whined Gaige as she vainly waved her robotic arm in front of her.

Gaige looked away from her hand, and noticed now the sad look of pity on everyone's face. "No, wait, I'm not crazy! That Klaatu line's from a movie! It's super super old so you guys probably haven't seen it but-" She could tell she wasn't helping her case, and decided to just eat quietly while moping.

Sir Hammerlock took off his hat and put it over his heart. "Sigh, this planet breaks everyone eventually." He shook his downcast head.

"Don't worry," said Salvador with his mouth full of meat, spraying the fire with little bits of bullymong flesh. "I had an imaginary friend too when I was a niño, his name was El Grande, and he was this huuuge gun and he shot out bigger guns and those…"

"At least this is delicious," murmured Gaige as she gnawed on the shish-kabob; it tasted way better than Knuckledragger's eyeballs, and way, way better than the junk they served in school. She was just beginning to cheer up when Claptrap started talking again.

"Cheer up, minion number six!" said Claptrap, and waved his uneaten stick of meat in the air. "You can always summon me, Claptrap! But you can call me Deathtrap if that's really what you're into, I won't judge. You sick, sick pervert."

Gaige finished her skewer and walked over to Claptrap. She imagined smashing the robot into scrap metal with her cybernetic left arm and then putting its body on a skewer to cook over the fire; she smiled as she snatched the uneaten stick of meat out of Claptrap's hands.

"Hey! I was going to eat that," complained Claptrap and watched in helpless horror as Gaige devoured the meat.

"Mmm," said Gaige, and rubbed her belly with satisfaction; not because she was full but because it caused Claptrap even more distress. "Yawn, I think I'll go take a nap now, g'night fellas!" She walked over to where Zero was sitting against the yard wall.

Gaige climbed atop the thick wall and lied on her back on the flat snow just above the ninja; the fire had made her hot and now she needed to cool down. She closed her eyes and sighed with pleasure as the snow chilled her bare skin. She wondered how much longer her school uniform would last her in Pandora's harsh environment; short skirt and high socks weren't exactly survival gear.

Zero lazily turned his head up to look at her. "Stars and space above / While fire and ice surround me / Safe and sound I dream."*

Gaige grinned and opened her eyes to gaze sleepily at the cloudless sea of stars. No horizon was visible on the edge of her vision. All she saw was the glittering black heaven and Pandora's moon, it was beautiful. She frowned; there was one thing about the view she didn't like though and it was shaped like a giant letter H. She lifted her left arm and hid the ugly Hyperion space station behind her hand. Much better.

*(ECHO LOG 1-4 can be found on borderlands 2 wiki, on Gaige's page, I had nothing to do with them, this is just my unofficial continuation of those.)

*Phrase from original The Day The Earth Stood Still scifi flick, she says it sometimes when summoning Deathtrap.

*Tell me what you think about my haikus!


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: Hi all, wow I really wracked my brain over this chapter, and the next one looks just as tough what with introducing all the NPCs. I probably won't be updating for a while and the updates are going to slow down dramatically what with school starting and my other projects crying for attention, but don't worry I have a lot of things I want to do with this story so I won't be abandoning it anytime soon! As always, read and review, I hope you like it!

Axton walked into the dark living room and flicked the light switch on. Undisturbed by the sudden light, Gaige kept snoring inside the patchwork sleeping bag on the floor. Axton tiptoed past a stack of books to reach her.

"Wake up kid."

Gaige grumbled in her sleep and withdrew her head into the sleeping bag. "Ten more minutes daddy, school can wait zzz…"

Axton sighed impatiently as he stared at the wormlike bag at his feet. He firmly prodded it with his boot. "Come on kid, get up. You've slept nine hours already, and I'm not your dad. You're on Pandora, remember?" He could tell she wasn't used to Pandora's ninety hour rotational period yet. He glanced out the nearby window. It was pitch black outside; they had a long night ahead of them.

The worm at his feet took a deep breath in and out, making the fabric cocoon shrink and then expand. Axton paused. He thought he could hear sniffling. But it was so faint it might've just been his ears; they were still messed up from the explosion after all. A high school girl, not a soldier, he reminded himself. He reached up with his right hand and squeezed the wedding ring chained around his neck. He quietly backed away and flipped the light switch off as he exited the room. "Sorry."

He stepped out of the house and was greeted by the other vault hunters and Sir Hammerlock; they were well rested and busy eating a breakfast of canned fruit and more bullymong meat.

"Hey! Where's minion number six?" shouted Claptrap.

Axton ignored the robot and walked over to the smoldering campfire. "Didn't feel like waking her," he said with a dismissive shrug to the others. "She's a horrible shot anyways and now we've got one less warm body to look after." He chuckled as he stared at the fire. "I'll come back and get her once we get the ship. I bet you guys she'll still be asleep then haha."

"Good morning Pandora!"

Everyone turned to see Gaige jump out the front door. She landed like a spring and bounced to her feet, with a big smile on her face.

Axton went to take his turret off the roof as Gaige joined the others around the campfire.

"I'm glad to see you're awake Ms. Gaige," said Sir Hammerlock as he offered her a cooked skewer of bullymong meat. "I was worried we'd lost your refreshing company on this initial expedition. It would've been a damn shame."

Gaige nodded happily in agreement as she devoured her food.

"Yeah sleepyhead, we almost left you behind," laughed Salvador. "Then Axton would've had to come back and fetch you."

Gaige said something that made the others laugh, but Axton couldn't quiet hear her from the rooftop. He turned his attention back to the disassembling turret. He reattached the compact box to his back and was about to jump down when he noticed on his HUD that he had a new text message. He opened it and read:

Thanks :)

He couldn't help but smile when he saw the smiley face, a meme from the ECHOnet came to mind. "Good Gal Gaige. Rudely awakened, doesn't send you a letter bomb." He jumped down and joined the rest of the gang.*

Sir Hammerlock had brought out his cache of weaponry and ammo for them and the group took all that they needed. They left town loaded with enough ammunition to take down a rakk hive.

The ECHO HUD made the dark tundra easier to navigate, but Zero insisted he had perfect nightvision and they agreed to let him take point. Zero and Claptrap led the way while Gaige lagged behind, still tinkering with her left arm, trying to summon Deathtrap.

They didn't get far from town before they spotted the bandit base nestled against a cliff, a stronghold of scrap metal built around a half-sunk battleship stuck in the ice. Claptrap pointed to the open ravine through the cliff behind the guardian ship. "Captain Flynt's base is past there, but we'll have to get past Boom Bewm first, you better watch out, he's one of the ripper clan, as…"

The vault hunters slowed down so that Claptrap was left talking to himself way in front as a group of bandits charged out of the base towards them. "Ah, defend me minions!" Claptrap turned and rolled back to them as fast as he could. "I don't want to be Flynt's torture doll again!"

Zero nonchalantly aimed his sniper rifle and fired while bullets flew past him and the other vault hunters. The bandit's shield was strong enough to absorb the headshot, but the impact still knocked the man on his back. When the bandit sat up he found out the hard way his shield couldn't withstand a second shot.

The other bandits ran back to their stronghold and hid behind cover, making themselves easy targets for grenades and Maya's power. By the time they reached the first fortifications all of the bandits were dead. The radio sewn into the jacket of a nearby corpse blared as Captain Flynt berated the dead men.

"What is WRONG with you boys?! Just kill those slaglicks so's we can get our reward!"

"Too bad we're unstoppable!" shouted Salvador at the top of his lungs and fired his two machine guns into the air.

More bandits came out from further within the shantytown but they didn't stand a chance against Salvador, who lowered his bullet hoses and mowed them down. A few survivors retreated back towards the derelict ship, dropping down onto the wreck to hide behind various outcroppings on the deck.

"That is a big turret," commented Axton, as the group chased the bandits to the ship deck. He admired for a moment the large twin cannons on the other side of the deck, not really minding that it was aimed directly at him until Captain Flynt came on the ECHO.

"Here's what's gonna happen, Vault Hunters." Flynt took a heavy breath filled with wrath. "My first mate Boom Bewm is gonna kill ya, Jack's gonna pay us, and I'm gonna play hopscotch in your chest cavity!"

A yellow armor wearing bandit jumped out from behind the turret and stood posing on top of it for a split second. "Light the fuses, bitches – I'm ready to BLOW!"

Pyrotechnics exploded behind Boom as a similarly dressed midget with a jetpack rocketed into the night sky behind him.

Axton stood mesmerized by the absurd display as Boom leaped onto the control station welded atop the turret. Everything moved in slow motion as Axton stared into the dark barrels of the battleship guns. So this is how I die, huh, lame.

Boom screamed as he was lifted out of the seat by Maya's phaselock. "Get your head out of your ass Axton!" Maya grabbed Axton's left arm and threw him behind cover.

"You loco amigo?" scolded Salvador as he caught Axton. "You almost got turned into Axton paste."

"Sorry," said Axton as he rubbed his head. "Don't know what came over me."

Zero tried to shoot Boom but the bandit blasted himself out of the bubble with a grenade. Boom digistructed a rocket launcher as he ducked behind the turret. "It's Boom Bewm time!"

The flying midget dived towards the vault hunters and unloaded his explosive shotgun. The vault hunters scattered as the spot they were at was peppered with explosions. "BEWM!" The cackling midget flew off to reload.

"A flying midget?" cried Sir Hammerlock as he ran. "What is this nonsense? What's next, a midget riding a bullymong?"

A midget riding a bullymong clambered up the side of the ship and joined the fray.

"Fascinating, absolutely fascinating," said Sir Hammerlock, as he dodged bullets and made mental notes for his almanac about the new symbiotic relationship.

"Someone take out the damn midgets!" shouted Axton as he tossed out his turret and pursued Boom.

Gaige took a peek from her hiding spot: Axton and Maya were keeping Boom busy while Salvador tried to shoot down the flying midget; Zero had disappeared and Krieg was fighting off five psychos with his buzzsaw axe. She ducked back down and frantically worked on her cybernetic left arm. "Come on, Deathtrap!"

Something landed in front of her and she looked up to see the bullymong riding midget towering over her. "Frack you buddy!" she hollered as she rolled to her left, but the bullymong caught her with a swipe, and sent her flying towards the deck wall.

"Ugh!" The impact knocked the wind out of her and broke her shield, and she fell to the floor with blue sparks flashing around her as the shield attempted to recharge. She opened her eyes and saw the midget aiming his SMG at her. She raised her arms instinctively.

The cybernetic arm flashed as digistruct particles appeared in front of her and rapidly assembled into the large red chassis of Deathtrap. The bulky robot torso hovered protectively before Gaige, deflecting the bullets being fired by the midget on top of the bullymong. "Deathtrap!" shouted Gaige joyously as her shield recharged. Getting attacked must've kickstarted DT's antibullying programming. "Get 'em, boy!"

Deathtrap fired an energy blast out of its Cyclopean eye, melting the bullymong's face and setting the midget sitting on the head on fire. A digistructed claw grew out of Deathtrap's left hand and the robot flew towards the bullymong with the claw raised high in the air. Within seconds both bullymong and midget were turned into bloody chunks.

"Robot: One! Uglies: Zerooo!" declared Gaige as she picked up her dropped assault rifle and made a rude gesture at the dead bullymong.

An invisible hand grabbed her around the waist and heaved her out of the way of a rocket. "Be more careful."

"Oops, sorry Zero, thanks for the save." Gaige retreated with Deathtrap to Salvador's position at the end of the ship. The flying midget weaved through the air above, dodging Salvador's bullets and curses.

"Deathtrap, exterminate!" The robot's head followed the midget for a bit and then fired a continuous beam of energy at it, breaking the midget's shield and the jetpack. "Bewmmmmm!" screamed the midget as he went down in flames. The flailing midget crashed into the ship's hull and exploded.

"Woah, is that Deathtrap?" asked Salvador at the sight of the robot.

"Told ya Deathtrap's real," teased Gaige. "Can you believe I got third place for this? Third place! I built a robot that can turn human beings into jelly with the push of a button and that what's-his-face gives me-" Gaige took a deep breathe to continue her rant, "THIRD PLACE! In the planet-wide science fair. At least around here people appreciate my talents."

"What? That's messed up," said Salvador, still not really sure what a science fair was. Some kind of competition to make jelly?

"You killed Bewm! You're going down boom!" screamed Boom from behind cover. He tossed several more grenades out at the vault hunters. When those were phaselocked as well by Maya, he let out a frustrated shout and aimed the rocket launcher at his own feet.

Axton and Maya watched in disbelief as Boom ran out from behind cover and jumped into the air, firing the rocket launcher as he did so. The explosion propelled Boom over the turret faster than it could turn and also fast enough to narrowly avoid being trapped by Maya's phaselock. The bandit plunged towards Gaige with launcher aimed at her and two live grenades clutched in his other hand. "Time to blow, bitch!"

Several throwing knives flew out of nowhere and hit Boom mid-air, causing the bandit to explode in a shower of guts. "Be more careful. Seriously."

"Okay that one wasn't my fault," protested Gaige and gestured at the space high above her where Boom just was. "Did you see that? He friggin ROCKET JUMPED. I thought that was only possible in video games!"

"ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?" demanded Krieg as he approached them, juggling three buzzsaw axes plus his own.*

"Watch out minions! Here comes more!" Claptrap pointed at the ravine; twenty or so bandits were heading their way.

"I got this," called Axton, and quickly climbed up the ship's turret. The bandits turned to run away but it was too late, Axton had already spun the big guns around to face them. "That's right, start runnin'!"

The twin cannons fired simultaneously, blasting the retreating bandits to bits. "Boom-Shaka-Laka!" Axton began laughing uncontrollably.

"He's really gone loco," said Salvador. "Yo Axton! Get off the turret, let's go."

Maya waved her left arm at Axton and put him into a phaselock bubble. "Take a deep breath Axton."

"Phew. okay okay, I'm good, you can put me down now."

Axton dropped onto the turret and hopped down as the vault hunters regrouped. Gaige was now sitting on Deathtrap's right shoulder, and looked down on the others with a supremely smug look on her face. Everyone tried to avoid her haughty gaze as they crossed the ravine and came within sight of Captain Flynt's ship.

It was a large freighter with a bow shaped like a dragon's head. Occasionally the head shot out jets of flame that lit up the iceberg the ship was stuck to and also the sprawling makeshift town connecting the ship to the beach.

"I don't think that ships going anywhere anytime soon," said Maya, and looked to the gunzerker beside her for support.

"Heh, Butt Stallion," blurted out Salvador and continued chuckling.

Maya gave him a weird look, "Uh, what?"

"Butt Stallion! Come on Maya, don't tell me you don't find that funny?" Salvador grinned at her.

"Again. What?"

"Jack's a huge pendejo, but you can't deny Butt Stallion-"

"Wait a minute," said Axton from in front of the two, and turned to stare wide-eyed at Salvador. "Are you still listening to that dickhead talk?"

The grin slowly faded from Salvador's face. "What? You mean I can turn this crap off?"

"If we were forced to listen to him talk for the rest of this journey, I would've blown my brains out already," said Axton, half serious.

Maya helped Salvador navigate his ECHO communicator's web of menus and turn Jack's broadcasts off. A relaxed smile crawled across Salvador's face. "Ahhhh. Adios, pendejo."

"Did he say anything useful?" inquired Sir Hammerlock.

Salvador shook his head.

"Butt Stallion?" repeated Maya, curious what it was all about.

"Oh that, yeah, he has a diamond pony now, its name is Butt Stallion."

"Ah yes, the exotic species Equus ferus bling," Sir Hammerlock nodded thoughtfully. "A magnificent creature, I had the pleasure of riding one last time I was on Wealthicus-2."

Sir Hammerlock entertained them with stories from his various adventures on other planets as they approached the ship. The group had settled into a pattern by now: Zero with his sniper and Axton with his turret made sure the bandits couldn't leave cover while Maya picked the bandits off with her power. The group casually strolled through the town as the leftover bandits wised up and ran back to their ship.

Gaige jumped off Deathtrap and took a shield from one of the dead bandits. "Deathtrap wants an upgrade? Deathtrap gets an upgrade," she said affectionately, and took from her tool belt her hammer and a nail. It was a temporary fix, and Gaige resolved to do some serious upgrading once they got to Sanctuary. She nailed the shield to the robot's back and climbed back on.

They reached the freighter without trouble and were just about to begin climbing the zigzagging staircase erected against the hull when Claptrap complained, "Rrrrragh! Stairs! I can't climb stairs! Let's find another way up!" Claptrap turned his back to the stairs and began rolling away.

Gaige patted Deathtrap's shoulder; the robot reached out with its clawlike right hand and grabbed Claptrap by the head. Deathtrap lifted the helpless robot into the air and began floating up the stairs.

The lack of resistance was becoming eerie, and the vault hunters hurried to the top of the freighter, where they were reassured by the sight of Captain Flynt on his throne, surrounded by goons. It seemed there had been an attempted mutiny, evidenced by the bodies all over the deck and the injured bandits around Captain Flynt.

"A bunch of cowards, every one of them!" dismissed Captain Flynt as he got up. "I'll show you slaglicks how it's done!" He smashed a button beside the throne and fire exploded out of the multiple exhaust ports on the deck. The air was filled with the screams of the injured mutineers as the unlucky ones still alive burned to death.

The vault hunters shielded themselves as the heat wave rolled past them, and soon they found it painful to breathe.

"What's wrong vault hunters? Can't handle the heat?" mocked Captain Flynt, as he slowly waddled towards them in his fireproof suit.

"He's too fat to phaselock!" Maya let the others know, as she tried to spot Captain Flynt amongst the blinding pillars of fire.

"There's nowhere to throw down my turret." Axton jumped back away from the flaming deck. "We have to retreat, get him off the ship somehow." He motioned for them to retreat down the stairs.

Gaige hummed casually as she slid off Deathtrap. "It's cool everybody. I'm here." She snapped her fingers. "Rock and roll, Deathtrap."

Deathtrap drifted towards the wall of fire, with Claptrap still in hand. Claptrap waved its twig like arms in the air frantically as the two robots approached the flames.

"No, not the fire! Anything but the fire again!"

Gaige smiled cruelly as the two robots vanished into the inferno, leaving them with just the screams of Claptrap. She could totally see why Captain Flynt wanted his torture doll back.

"Die, you damn robot!" shouted Captain Flynt from somewhere past the fire, but the vault hunters still couldn't see him and were left listening to Claptrap's screams, punctuated by the occasional sound of metal hitting flesh.

The wall of fire was shut off and the vault hunters now saw the pulpy remains of Captain Flynt on the deck, and Deathtrap over by the throne, bludgeoning to death the remaining bandits with a very bloody Claptrap.

The few surviving bandits jumped overboard as the vault hunters ran across the deck to the throne.

"I need to build you an extra arm JUST for high-fives!" declared Gaige as she jumped up to hug Deathtrap. Salvador managed to pull her back at the last second so that only her robotic hand hit Deathtrap, saving her from burning herself on Deathtrap's red hot skin.

"I say MECHRO, you say MANCER," said Gaige as she turned to the other vault hunters with a proud look on her face. "MECHRO! ...You guys-"

"Mancer!" said Axton begrudgingly.

"Hey minion number six! You mind putting me down? I'm starting to feel dizzy from all this hovering."

Deathtrap let go of Claptrap, and the latter fell with a thunk onto the deck, leaving a bloody imprint of itself on the floor.

"Great! Now let's get on my boat." Claptrap motioned to the tugboat hanging over the side of the freighter. "Oh boy, we've got a fifteen hour trip ahead of us. This is going to be so much fun!"

The vault hunters let out a collective groan at the thought. Sir Hammerlock's legs gave away and he collapsed onto the throne. "If only the damned fast travel station in town was still working. This is bloody awful."

"Oh there's a fast travel station in town?" asked Gaige, feigning surprise. "I could fix it, yeah I could totally fix it, let's go back to Liar's Berg."

Before they left, the vault hunters decided to loot the ship. They gave Gaige the first good assault rifle they found as a reward for beating Captain Flynt, and Gaige waited on the deck patiently while the rest digged further into the deserted ship.

She was leaning on the deck guard rail, staring into the darkness when Axton walked up from behind, surprising her.

"Hey," said Axton and leaned on the railing too, though he was a bit too tall for it to be comfortable.

"Hey," replied Gaige.

They were quiet for a moment, both listening to the ceaseless wind.

Axton scratched his head as he searched for the right words. "Look, I'm sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have said those things and made you cry." The last few words were barely audible to himself over the wind.

"Wait, you thought I was crying?" Gaige pushed herself away from the railing and gave Axton a quizzical look.

"Huh? Weren't you?" asked Axton, embarassed.

Gaige giggled. "Yeah, but those were TEARS OF JOY! You know how many days off from school we had on Eden-5? None!" she boasted animatedly.

Axton shook his head, thoroughly amused. He'd been duped. He laughed out loud as Gaige continued her indignant speech.

"Nine hours? I slept for nine hours? Holy crap I can't remember ever sleeping that long, EVER!" She leaned against the guard rail again and grinned. "Sleeping in and not going to school is definitely the best part about being a vault hunter."

Axton stared ruefully out into the darkness as he thought of what the best part about it was for him: fame and fortune. But he didn't say it out loud.

"…I do miss dad and mom though, and the few friends I had I guess."

Axton looked over at Gaige.

She smiled reassuringly back at him. "But I know they're all cheering for me." She hopped back from the guard rail and pumped her metal fist in the air. "No way I'm gonna let them down, Handsome Jack doesn't stand a chance!"

Jack rolled his eyes as he watched the silent melodrama on the screen in front of him. "Oh my god, what's with all the cheese? It's so thick I could cut it." He blew a raspberry and laughed.

As the girl on screen pumped her fist in the air, Jack lip-synced her mockingly. "I'm a dumb little girl," he said in his best impression of a girly voice. "I'm too stupid to realize Jack's the best, I should just slit my wrist and die."

Jack snapped his finger and summoned Blake. "Blake! I want all her family and friends dead. Scratch that, everyone in her community back on Eden-5. Call it a toxic gas leak or something."

"As you wish," said Blake, and added a name to the bottom of a long, imaginary list of uncrossed out names. Blake allowed himself a little smile; give a man a planet, and he'll try to take the whole universe. He exited the room, leaving Jack staring at the holoscreen. Blake chuckled as he walked away.

*Good guy greg, a meme.

*ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?

PS. What do you guys think about some OC NPCs and villains? I've got some planned but it'd be way in the future.


	7. chapter 7

Author's Note: Hi all, I know I said I wouldn't be posting for a while, but I didn't want to leave the story with a sad ending for now, so here's a little something extra!

Also, some reviewers have asked some questions I couldn't reply to since they aren't members so I'd like to answer them here and clarify some stuff:

1\. Legendary and unique weapons: they might appear, there are a few I definitely want to work in and already have plans to do so towards the end of the story, but overall this story won't focus too much on the weapons.

2\. Skills: I try to work in the skills that are pertinent, so no guarantee that all of them are going to show up, the vault hunters will get stronger as the story progresses but I'm not sticking 100% to the skill trees of the game.

3\. DLC: I'm undecided as of yet if I will do DLC content, I'll just have to see after I finish the main story. If I do though, you can count on a moon base story arc.

4\. GOTY edition: I already have it but thanks for the offer :)

Since no one replied about OC content I'm gonna assume you guys are cool if I bring some original NPC's and villains in later down the line, don't worry though the heroes are gonna just be the main six still. As always, enjoy and leave a review, thanks!

"And they lived happily ever after."

Maya reread the last sentence and closed the book. She sat quietly in the recliner, thinking about the story and how it ended. "What a bad book," she said to the empty room, as Gaige walked in.

"I fixed the- woah, did you finish the whole book already?"

Maya glanced down at the dictionary sized book in her lap. "Yeah, most of it was just filler though, and the ending was kind of a letdown. I mean you can see it coming halfway through the book."

"Aw, that sucks, anyways I fixed the fast travel station. Let's go!"

Maya put the book down on the recliner's arm and followed the skipping Gaige out of Sir Hammerlock's house and into the night. They reached the center of the barely-lit town where the fast travel station was, and joined the rest of the crowd standing around the activated machine. The thick rod with an antenna on top hummed ominously as the holographic globe of Pandora it was projecting flickered and shifted randomly.

"Uh, you sure you fixed it Gaige?" asked Salvador.

"Looks shady as hell / How do we know that it works? / Can we test it first?"

"Come on guys," said Gaige with a hurt look on her face. "I've been working on it for the last six hours, it definitely works."

"There's no harm in testing it first," said Axton. "Let's make it teleport something to itself."

They lured a bullymong from the outskirts of town to the station, and Gaige activated the tower remotely using her ECHO communicator, de-digistructing the surprised bullymong into particles. Everyone held their breath as the digistruct particles flowed into the short tower and flowed back out. What returned was not a bullymong.

"Augh!" exclaimed everyone except Krieg, who shouted instead, "Another! I want a different passenger for this poop train."

Claptrap was speechless for once.

"Dear lord," cried Sir Hammerlock with eyes shut, not daring to look at the thing any longer. "For the love of all that is holy someone please put it out of its misery!"

Axton pulled out a grenade. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he said while sobbing.

Maya grabbed his arm. "Wait, you toss that grenade and we'll all get splattered in that, thing. Gaige!"

But Gaige was busy retching into the snow behind them. Maya did the only thing she could and phaselocked the thing until Gaige calmed down enough to summon Deathtrap. Deathtrap took it away to be buried in the cemetery as the vault hunters headed back to the house to recover.

Sitting in the living room, no one dared speak and bring to mind the horror of what just occurred. Axton figured now was the perfect time to use the techniques learned in Dahl's trauma relief seminar. "Everyone, let's just sleep it off."

"I'm sorry guys," said Gaige still lying on her side on the floor. "I was overconfident."

"It's okay Gaige, we all make mistakes," said Maya and helped the girl to her feet. "Do you have any idea what went wrong?"

"Well, I might've put the hecker reintegrator in backwards. The way the digistruct particles were acting I'm pretty sure that's the problem."

"Can you fix it?" asked Maya.

Gaige nodded her head. Maya reached out and gave her a comforting hug. "You already took out Captain Flynt today, let's save this for tomorrow."

"It was still a better fate than a fifteen hour boat ride with Claptrap I imagine," commented Sir Hammerlock from his recliner, trying to cheer up Gaige.

Maya didn't dare bring up the idea of dinner. And after seeing what they saw, she doubted any of them could sleep anytime soon. A happy idea came to her and she went over to the bookshelf, secretly elated.

She spotted a familiar book on the shelf: "Arrogance and Bias, by Bane Austin." She hesitated, but it was the only work of fiction on the shelf, so she pulled it out and made a spot for herself on the couch between Axton and Zero.

"I know, why don't I read to you guys?" she asked, timid but hopefully.

Sir Hammerlock and Zero applauded it as a wonderful idea while the rest agreed halfheartedly.

Maya began narrating with a voice wavering from eagerness; she'd never had the chance to read to others before, every time she tried with the monks back in the monastery they'd conveniently become possessed by the almighty spirit and fall to the floor in fits of ecstasy. As a child, she'd always wondered why their god was so rude. She realized eventually the monks faked possession because it was the only excuse to get away from her, and because they were assholes. Then she stopped trying to read to the monks.

She cleared her throat and restarted with a firmer voice. "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a dude or dudette in possession of a gigantic wad of credits must be in want of a gun…"

The happiness leaked out through her voice, and soon the other vault hunters were sharing her sentiment and actively enjoying the book.

"Hey hey, read that part again Maya," insisted Salvador. "Tell me again what Marcy did to the bandit that stole her gun, cuz I'm gonna start doing that to bandits."

Maya obliged and reread the passage for him. In the middle of the passage, she put the book down and rubbed her eyes.

"You okay?" asked Axton.

"Sorry Maya," said Salvador, fidgeting. "You don't have to reread the passage, I figured it out mostly anyways."

"No, it's not that," said Maya and gave a half sob, half laugh. "I just can't remember the last time I was so happy reading a book."

"Neither can I," admitted Gaige earnestly. "I think you just made reading awesome again!"

"It is indeed very awesome," said Sir Hammerlock. "And this particular story is so awesome I bought two copies." He lifted the dictionary sized book from the arm of his recliner. "The print in this one is much larger, in case I break my glasses again."

Everyone settled down as Maya resumed reading the book out loud, and the vault hunters were finally able to forget their troubles on Pandora for a while.


	8. chapter 8

It was a sunny day unfit for a funeral. The sun beat down on the meadow and made all the mourners feel miserable, a feat the funeral had failed to achieve. The few overly cautious attendees in the crowd of black hid under their umbrellas while the rest suffered silently in their seats as the speaker on stage finished his eulogy. Up on the stage, the portrait of a high school girl sat on an empty chair next to an equally empty coffin and a cardboard cutout of Handsome Jack advertising Hyperion guns.

The real funeral had been held days ago, but when the president of an intergalactic corporation pays for a community sized funeral, no one was going to protest and miss out on the large, and tasty, banquet that would surely follow. The suburbanites gritted their teeth as they bided their time; some were so bored they even pretended to mourn.

"Uh, we all miss Marcie so much," said the teenage boy on stage, lamely stalling for time as he tried to find some other nice things to say. "She was so kind," he added. "She was so nice to everyone, and uh, we're all going to miss Marcie so much."

The huge crowd clapped disinterestedly as the next student, a girl dressed like she was about to walk a runway, mounted the podium. "Sniff sniff, oh my god, sniff, I can't believe Marcie is gone." She sniffed several more times to emphasize how emotionally devastated she was pretending to feel. "I think, sniff, I speak for…"

Towards the back of the audience, a teenager in a gasmask rolled his eyes. Cable adjusted his sweaty mask and took his black hoodie off his head, revealing disheveled blonde hair and the vintage earphones he was wearing. The mask limited his vision so he couldn't see the disapproving look the normally dressed students to his left and right were giving him. He wouldn't have cared even if he noticed though; he was used to it.

He turned up the volume on his ECHO communicator to drown out the sniffling girl as he listened to Gaige's latest ECHO log.

"Hello my faithful subscribers! Blagh, too cheerful, okay let me try that again. What up, subbies? No no no too casual, argh I'll figure it out later, anyways…"

Cable chuckled every now and then as he listened to his friend talk about her fight against Boom Bewm and Captain Flynt, and how she accidentally put a Hecker circuit reintegrator backwards into a fast travel network station, creating a bullymong abomination.

"What is wrong with you," whispered the girl on Cable's right.

Cable turned to face Abri. So far, he'd resisted the urge to tie her brown curly hair into a knot while she wasn't looking, but now he was reconsidering. "Oh come off it, like anyone's actually sad, we're all here for the food and you know it."

She folded her arms and returned her attention to the funeral. "Just my luck to be stuck next to you," she muttered. "Touch my hair and you'll be eating your teeth instead, loser."

Cable pretended he'd stretched his arms to yawn and returned his hands to his lap. He knew she wasn't bluffing; he was in the same gym class as her. He personally believed she was a gorilla in disguise, but his imagination was at a loss regarding how the gorilla squeezed into such a slender skin suit. He lightly slapped his head to drive away the thoughts that followed, damn puberty.

"Oh my god, please just stop drawing attention to yourself, this is so embarrassing." Abri had covered her face with her hands.

"If you want to cover your face you can borrow my spare gasmask," suggested Cable mockingly.

"Why are you still wearing that thing?" retorted Abri. "It's weird enough you wear it in school, no one knows what you look like you know."

"Good."

"They call you Gassy."

"Okay." He wondered if she called him that too behind his back.

"Why don't you just take it off?"

"Because I'm ugly," said Cable plainly.

Abri rolled her eyes. "Just get plastic surgery then, like a normal person."

"I don't want to be a normal person."

"Right, sorry, I forgot you're an analist like Gaige."

"Anarchist," said Cable, annoyed because he knew she misspoke on purpose. "I'm not telling you how to live your life so-"

Abri was ignoring him.

"Besides," he continued, ignoring her ignoring him. "At least we're doing something against these corporate jackholes. You wouldn't believe half the shit they've been doing."

Abri seemed to be listening again. Encouraged, and armed with the knowledge from Gaige's ECHO log, Cable said, "Take Handsome Jack for example, he-"

But a scream from behind them cut Cable short. Everyone turned to see what had broken the monotony. One of the new police robots, based off of Marcie's science fair winning design, had shredded a guest that'd tried to leave. Satisfied, it returned to the circle of robots that guarded the funeral.

"That's a little extreme," said Cable. "Sure, you shouldn't leave in the middle of a funeral but jeeze did they really have to kill him?" He wished Gaige was here to see this excessive use of police force. He started recording a video for her with his ECHOcomm.

A call for attention back at the podium made everyone spin around. The hologram of a gaunt, balding man stood there waiting to address them.

"Hello, community number forty five of Eden-5, I am Mr. Blake," said the hologram. "Unfortunately, I have some very bad news. You're all going to die, have a nice day."

The hologram terminated, leaving the crowd stunned.

"Shit," said Cable and grabbed his backpack from under his seat. The crowd around him stampeded, trapping him and pushing him in random directions. The circle of robots fired toxic gas grenades over the crowd and soon everyone sank to their knees coughing before collapsing.

Cable pretended to fall too as he breathed short, panicked breathes through his gasmask. He stayed still and tried to blend in amongst the dying crowd. Look at me mom, he thought sardonically, I'm finally trying to blend in.

The death gasps of a girl to his right caught his attention amongst the silent dead. He crawled past a couple of bodies and saw Abri sprawled on the grass, struggling to breathe between rattling coughs.

She really is a gorilla, thought Cable as he took his spare gas mask out of his backpack; everyone else around them was already dead it seemed. She was still half-conscious and fought weakly against his attempt to put the mask on her face.

"I'm trying to save your life," hissed Cable and succeeded in putting the mask over her face. She calmed down and drifted into unconscious sleep.

"Hey hey, don't die on me here!" Cable urgently rummaged through his backpack, trying to find a health vial. He pulled one out of the bag and jabbed the needle into Abri's arm. The red contents of the glass tube drained into Abri and the girl sat up with a start as the nanomachines went to work inside her, neutralizing the toxins and repairing her lungs.

"Ow," said Abri, her voice muffled by the mask. She pulled the hypo out and let it fall to the ground.

"You okay?" Cable zipped up his backpack and put it back on. "You're lucky I carry my survival pack everywhere." He puffed out his chest and tried to sound macho.

Abri pushed herself away from him with her hands and feet, causing Cable's ego and torso to deflate.

"Behind you idiot," she shouted through the mask.

Cable now noticed the police-bot hovering behind him. He didn't dare turn around to face it and his suddenly shaking legs wouldn't let him anyways. He squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the end.

A gunshot followed by an explosion caused Cable to jump. He turned and saw the police bot was now just burning wreckage. A middle-aged man in a lab coat and gas mask walked around the debris. The large shotgun he was wielding looked very out of place in his hands.

"That was close," the man said with a laugh as he blew two more approaching robots out of the air. "You alright kids?"

"H-hello, Gaige's dad," said Cable awkwardly. "Thanks for saving us."

Recognition flashed in the scientist's eyes. "Oh! You're that boy who got rejected by my daughter, hello, how've you been?"

Abri exchanged her high heels for a dead boy's shoes and stood up. Cable could tell she was laughing under the gasmask all the while.

Gaige's dad shot down another police bot and waved for the two teenagers to follow him. "Come on, let's get out of here."

"What are you doing here?" asked Cable as he and Abri followed the man towards the edge of the meadow.

"Well I've been listening to my daughter's ECHO log," explained Gaige's dad. "So I figured this funeral would just be a setup." He took two shield modules out of his lab coat and gave them to Cable and Abri. "Shame I couldn't save more people."

"Yeah," agreed Cable. Gaige's father sure didn't sound that upset about it though, he actually sounded rather happy.

"Where are you taking us?" asked Abri.

"I've been wanting to study Eridium for a while, and my little girl's also on Pandora" said Gaige's dad casually as he blasted a police bot out of their way. "My wife and I are planning a vacation there, you and your boyfriend want to come along?"

"HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND!"

"But I just saved your life," complained Cable jokingly. "You owe me."

Abri turned around and punched him in the gut. Cable crumpled to the ground crying; she wasn't a gorilla, she had the strength of at least five gorillas.

"Awww," cooed Gaige's dad. He stopped to admire the two teenagers. "You two remind me of when I first met Gaige's mom."

"Take me to Pandora," said Abri menacingly. Gaige was going to pay for ruining her life.

"Sir, we have a situation," said the secretary nervously, she kept her eyes fixed on Blake's desk inside the dark office.

Blake leaned his arms on the desk and asked, "What's the matter?"

"Two teenagers escaped from the funeral and it appears the vault hunter's parents are not among the deceased."

"Okay."

"Sir?"

"Okay."

The secretary decided to change the subject. "Sir, what about the rest of the people on um-" she didn't know how best to politically correctly phrase the term: list of people Handsome Jack wants dead.

"The list of people Handsome Jack wants dead?" asked Blake.

The secretary nodded her head.

"Kill the ones that are easy, leave the hard ones alone."

"But sir-"

"Kill the ones that are easy," repeated Blake, saying the words slowly this time. "Leave the hard ones alone."

The secretary nodded her head again.

"It really doesn't matter," assured Blake. "Our president is far too busy with Pandora, and I dislike killing without profit, we are a corporation miss, not a charitable assassin's guild."

"So the situation on Eden-5?" asked the secretary timidly.

"We now own some of the most expensive real estate in the galaxy. The profit from the sales will be split between us and their police force. If it proves profitable enough, we will repeat the process." Blake's face remained expressionless throughout the explanation. "Is there anything else you'd like to know?"

"No, thank you." The frightened secretary bowed and quickly walked out of the room.


End file.
